Two and a Half Percent

One of the biggest controversy's in California at the moment is the aftermath of Proposition 8. For ease of typing/reading, I'll call the supporters of Prop 8 "Y8" and those who are against "N8". This election, a proposition went out that would make an amendment to the states constitution that defines marriage to be between a man and a woman. This was after courts ruled that not letting gay couples wed was unconstitutional. It's caused quite a commotion, needless to say. By writing my thoughts on this issue, my intention isn't to offend anyone on either side, but I am an active LDS, and some of my beliefs can't be set aside. Although, I find it necessary to play devils-advocate against some of my Mormon peers.

Since it's passing, N8 and the gay community have largely targeted the LDS population, not just in California, but elsewhere. A lot of nasty things have been said, which I don't agree with, but here are some thoughts for any LDS who are having a hard time with this. DEAL WITH IT!!! I don't want to see any more emails about "why are we being targeted?" etc. For example, I've seen a couple of emails circulated that say something to the effect of "there are 770,000 Mormons in California. Assuming that 350,000 of them are old enough to vote, and "X" are registered voters, even if ALL of them voted yes, then we only made up 2.5% of the vote!" And "70% of black and latino voters said yes, and the overwhelming majority of people over 50 voted yes, but you can't protest black people, and you can't protest old people, so Mormons are an easy target." Those numbers are true, HOWEVER, what we need to realize is that 43% of the funding for Y8 came from LDS. 43% of the MOST funded proposition in U.S. history. Almost half. That's huge. An estimated 80% of the initial movement of calling phone lists/knocking doors, etc, was done by LDS. The Church members need to shape up and realize that they are being targeted for a reason. If you were willing to put forth the effort to participate in such a controversial issue, then you need to be prepared to pay the social consequences of it also, without complaint. I'm not saying that I'm OK with the things that are being said in some of the protests. Signs in windows that say "Fuck Mormons", calling out Joseph Smith, and climbing temple fences like King Kong on the empire state building aren't really even protests, it's just malicious behaviour. Those who are opting to ski in Colorado this year instead of Utah, or not use facilities or businesses owned by LDS, I see as a more respectable form of protest. I feel like I'm dealing with the criticism better than a lot of my peers, and I refused to even take a role in promoting it. Which leads me to my next round of thoughts...

Do I see Prop 8 as a moral issue? Yes, to some degree. I don't really agree with gay lifestyle. Then how about a Civil Rights issue? Well.....yes. I do. This is where I'm torn. While I don't agree with the lifestyle, I am 100% for anyone living their life how they want to live it, as long as it's not hurting themselves or others. My disagreement with a gay lifestyle is purely religious. And I don't think it should be forced on anyone. It's MY opinion, and doesn't have to belong to anyone but me. The issue is not "is gay OK?", and that's what some people have forgotten. So here's how I'm weighing things out in my head...'

There is a misconception about the difference between a gay "marriage" and a civil union, which they already have the rights to now. Unfortunately I've been told on more than one occasion from people who support Y8, that a civil union already has all the benefits of a marriage, and that it's solely about the definition of the word. After doing my own research, I've found this to be false on a number of levels. Civil unions, while they offer many rights to couples like visitation rights, tax benefits, etc, do not cross state lines. A marriage is widely recognized throughout the country. If teenagers Jack and Jill get married in a state where the minimum age to wed is 17, and then move to a state where the min age is 18, their marriage will still be valid in their new state, even if they aren't 18 yet. I think this is one of the hopes the N8 community had in legalizing gay marriage. There are other opportunities for them in a marriage that I won't go into great detail about, but just to get an idea: If a couple in a civil union moves away, and then decides to get a divorce, many states require at least one of the two to be a resident in the state where they were unified for at least one year before they will approve their separation. Also, in order for the couple to establish many rights that a married couple has (power of attorney and the such) it will cost them thousands of dollars in legal fees, most of which are all taken care of with a marriage license, which costs about a hundred dollars. So, my point here, is who can honestly say that their lifestyle should keep them from having these things? Lets move on to some of the things I've been thinking about on the other side of the fence...

In my opinion, allowing gay marriage can have consequences against freedom of religion. You can't deny this. It's a difficult thing for me to think about, because I think freedom of religion is very important, and well, a lot of religions don't agree with gay lifestyle. I don't think that a church should have to rent out it's facilities to gay weddings if it doesn't want to. The same goes for adoption agencies and things like that. This is the freedom for a group of people to also live how they choose. They don't have to "approve" of anyone, so long as they're not malicious towards them. Many make the argument that turning a gay couple down would be prejudice. This is true. My logic is, why would a couple want to get married somewhere, or do anything for that matter, in a place they wouldn't be welcome. But the fact of the matter is, it will open up a field day of lawsuits, resulting in churches closing down, agencies discontinuing services or having licenses revoked etc. I'm sure the N8 community would say "good, they deserve it" in those situations. But do they really? An interesting point on this also, is that the LDS church would be the least affected by all of that. The church doesn't rent out its facilities to begin with, and you have to be an upstanding member to wed in the temple. There really wouldn't be any room to sue the church over such things, so why do I care? Because I think people are allowed to have an opinion, and not have it shoved down their throat on either side. Would people really go that far as to open lawsuits? Give me break...this is the U.S. of A. We sue over coffee and fender benders. I've trolled N8s forums and read the blogs. If I had a dollar for every post I read that said "could this be a possible lawsuit?!" Thanksgiving dinner for all of us would be on me.

Another thing I'm sick of hearing about from both sides, is "what about the schools?" One of Y8s biggest arguments, and one that I have to admit I don't believe, is that if prop 8 fails, schools will begin teaching kids about gay marriage. While this made up a good portion of Y8s propaganda, it made up even more of N8s, calling Y8 liars for thinking so. News flash! You're both wrong! Kids aren't going to know the difference between a civil union, and a marriage. Are gay civil unions being taught in schools? Probably not, but if they are then why hasn't anyone flipped out about it until now? So why do I think that N8 is wrong also? Because the idea of gay marriage is already being taught in schools. If you try and tell me that it isn't, then what that means to me is that no gay or lesbian teachers are talking about their life at home. It means every kid with two moms or two dads isn't either. What I'm saying is, while it's not being taught directly, kids are learning about it indirectly from the people around them. That's just how it is. So parents need to address it at home, on their own conditions, and make themselves part of their kids learning about it, no matter what their opinion on it is. You can't shield your kids from things you don't think are appropriate as much as you think. I remember when I first found out what a gay person was. I saw a commercial for the nightly news, which had a preview of their topics of the night. One of them being the gay and lesbian parade in San Francisco, along with video footage of cross dressers and everything. The commercial aired while Thundercats was on, and I was 6 years old. So I went and asked my Mom what it all meant, and as far as I can remember she gave me the best explanation that I could understand. Sure, I didn't really get it at the time. But my point is, saying this topic will or won't be taught in schools, isn't the most valid argument.

So what is the next step for N8 and Y8? For Y8, it's wait for it to come to vote again, (I believe it will until gay marriage is allowed.) For N8, it's payback time. Now the buzz is to get the LDS church's tax exempt status revoked because of it's involvement. Here are the facts, the best as I can describe them... There are rules that tax exempt organizations, like churches, have to follow in regards to political issues. Back in the 50's a law was passed that keeps tax exempt organizations from doing anything that would help, or hurt any political candidate or other political issues up for vote. There really aren't any laws that say what they can or can't do. It's up to the IRS to decide if they've overstepped their bounds. It seems like a hard thing to do, unless they have reps sitting in the pews. I think they depend a lot on 3rd party organizations to make those decisions. Months before voting took place, the presidency of the church basically made a "call to arms" for all church members. This was in weekly/monthly church publications, and if memory serves, during general conference, where church officials speak to all members (and people everywhere willing to listen) via satellite broadcast. Obviously, the church didn't donate a dime. These men aren't just church officials, they are brilliant people, lawyers, doctors, professors, and much more. They know the law. But did they go too far in asking it's members to donate all they can, time included, to this cause? Many people think so. If there is one thing Mormons know how to do, it's work together to get something done. This council by the church presidency sparked a movement unmatched by any other of its kind, which included massive amounts of money, and man hours, many of them coming from out of the state. N8 has been pointing the finger largely at the amount of out-of-state help that Y8 got from the LDS. I find it hard to believe that the N8 community received no funding from out of state. So, the Church IS allowed to have an opinion, but one thing the IRS will look at is if the "majority" of it's time was spent on the issue. I, for one, don't remember a single instance where things concerning prop 8 were organized, or done, on the churches time. Now ask me, could the church have it's exempt status removed? Yes, but probably not. I don't know how they are going to tally up the amount of time spent by LDS, and justify it as being due to the Church itself. It will be interesting to see what happens. From the IRS' view, a tax on Mormon, Inc. must be like a 16oz rib eye to a starving nation.

So why think so much into this? I guess I feel the need to show that my opinions are my own. So to those who feel targeted on either side, be proud of who you are, live your life how you choose....but lets keep the strikes above the belt, ok?!


p.s. Bet you'd like to know how I voted huh...=P

28 Years

If it weren't for my brothers phone call last night, I wouldn't have even remember that today is my birthday! It's been a good day, despite having to work. To be honest, 28 doesn't feel any different than 27...or 26 for that matter. It's funny how some of my siblings birthdays correlate with mine. My oldest sister Lorna is a little less than 20 years older than me, and my sister Lana is just less than 10 years older. So in a couple of years they won't be able to tease me about the big "three-0"...because that means it's soon to be their big "four-0" and "five-0". I think my siblings ages weird me out more than my own. It eases the tension of getting older I suppose. (They're gonna kill me for that, no doubt.) So as the day has passed on, I've thought to myself "after 28 years, what do I find most important?" It's family, hands down. And I've been making a small mental list of my favorite family things, in no particular order.

The drive to Grover Hot Springs.
Random texts about Asians from Cess.
My parents living room on Christmas morning.
My brother and sisters laugh, because it makes me laugh too.
When Weston tells me I'm "the best".
Bogus Journeys with Mark. (Even if I get lost in Reno.)
Family get-togethers, and knowing everyone misses the few who couldn't be there.
Talking about music with my brother.
Seeing my parents "loosen up" as they grow older.
My sister Lornas leather couch.
The Lilly's house after an early flight.
Stories about my siblings from before I was born.
A hug from my niece Elizabeth, because there's no doubt that she really means it.
Making reunion videos.
Quoting family home videos.


The list could go on and on. I suppose it will just get bigger as the years pack on. When things are tough, it's nice to have a so many reminders of what really matters.

I've had quite a bit on my mind recently, that I think I should put into words. Some of it has to do with my personal life, some of it has to do with my public life. Look for more tomorrow. I'll leave you with this:

Some say a pictures worth a thousand words. So is a youtube video. I saw this commercial recently. I think I see a bit of myself as a child.

Less Is More

My philosophy on life is just that....Less Is More. Sometimes a three chord ballad can be more moving that complicated frenzy of notes. A hug is more calming than a thousand words of comfort. A smile from across the room can do more than an entire night of awkward "just met" conversation. And sometimes, as comedian Rowan Atkinson shows...you don't even need to say a word to make someone laugh. Enjoy!

Runaway Train

7 months....if I can update my page even twice a year I suppose I'll get the message across. I read through my old blog again tonight. I feel like an old man now. I removed the link from my profile because it's just too embarrassing/depressing/....the old me. I'm not sure if I like what I've become over the last few years, but I'm still me. Love it or leave it. I'm not sure how many people I'm going to give this link to. Unlike my previous blog, this won't be watered down. At all. I hope I don't offend anyone, but this is my place to tell it like it is. So here goes...

I'm Brett. I'm 28 (in 6 days). I'm a single LDS man who is just trying to figure out what to do when he grows up. If you aren't LDS, you may not understand what the big deal is, almost being 30 and not married (or "unified", as I'm sure people will be calling it in no time). In the eyes of my peers, I'm postponing my ticket to heaven. In my eyes, I'm waiting for someone I feel like I used to know and have lost. When I was young I used to lay in bed at night and fall asleep thinking about the person that would love me like I loved them, but recently, I feel like she is either being kept safe from my many flaws, or making love to another man because I didn't have the balls to go for it.

So here is the dilemma. I live in Napa, California. One of the most beautiful places in the country. If I choose to live what I believe, it means I don't even consider a woman who isn't LDS. Thinking on a local level, this narrows my choices down to the amount of people I could fit into my kitchen. Many of which I have known for 10 years or more. What should I do? Give me your advice. If you were in my shoes, what would you do? Most would say, go where there are more LDS people *cough Utah*. Sounds like a simple relocation right? Here's dilemma number two. Rather than finish college I pursued a license in land surveying, which I passed on the first try with less than two years experience. This is great, because a California LSIT is one of the most difficult. This has opened up some great opportunities, one of them being $80,000 a year. If I were doing the same thing in Utah, I would be making pocket-change comparatively. Not cool. Sure Utah is less expensive....but is the difference THAT much? Every time I stand up and think of moving, the thought of my job pulls me back down to reality. Besides....would I really want to work in the snow?! So here's another option...meet people in surrounding areas. Most my friends live outside of Napa! Oakland, San Francisco, etc. Too bad they're not Mormon. The painful reality is that I've lost contact with all of my LDS friends, here and abroad. If you asked me who my best LDS friend was, I couldn't even tell you. This is all my fault, and blame no one but myself, but still narrows down my chance to meet people. So here is what my messed up logic has brought me to. In the past 2 years, I've met/planned to meet probably.....8 girls from LDS dating sites. All but one of those I've either blown off, broke up with, lied to in order to get out of, so forth and so on, and made cry because of it. The one I fell for never called me back once I got on the plane to come home. (I can't even be mad about that. It's called karma.) Yet I'm addicted. I pay for a subscription to 3 different sites, and meet people on an almost daily basis. There is a "wall" that people feel they can hide behind in these situations, that makes it so easy for people to meet, and quickly forget, moving on to the next hot pic, rinsing and repeating. Like a hamster in a wheel, doing so much and not going anywhere. So that's how I feel tonight. Who knows what will be percolating in my mind tomorrow. Or 7 months from now. Maybe next time I'll tell you about the night I almost got into a fight with a bum behind a casino in Reno, NV. True story.