To make a short story shorter, my life has been pretty cut and dry, boring, uneventful, and chill. No drama, which is good. Since January I've been working as a consultant for CalTrans (California Dept. of Transportation), and it's been a good gig, but it's draining and time consuming. 12 hour days are nasty, but the 4 days a week are nice. Sometimes I still work for my current employer on Friday if the opportunity presents itself. So of course I'm sleep deprived, and too exhausted to do anything fun on the weekends....but I'm yawning all the way to the bank, so no big deal. Not much else to tell. So here's an anecdotal story in case you were expecting one =P. Excuse my French...but this is how I'd tell it if we were face to face...
So last week I was in the grocery store, getting some shampoo. And conditioner, cause I roll like that now. While I'm perusing the isle, I run into Joe Fucking Technology. I'm gonna call him J.F.T. for short. Let me paint you a picture. Asian man, in his late 30's, overweight, polo shirt and khaki's with pleats, penny loafers, and belt cinched up about 3 holes too tight (one for each degree of denial I'm sure). All of this not to be outdone by the damn bluetooth in the ear WHILE YOU'RE NOT FUCKING TALKING...and here's a first, a laptop connected via some "connect anywhere" thing (that costs more money than it's worth) open and running in his shopping cart.... The guy is looking up and comparing prices for hair products online. Like he's going to say "OH, Pert Plus is 20 cents cheaper if I go to the other major grocery store." The guy had a freakin' bowl cut...I mean, really? So whats my beef with this guy you might ask? Wait for it....As I'm trying to pass by him with my hand basket stocked with milk, chicken breast, mangoes, and potatoes, he ....YOU GUESSED IT, cut me off. Why would he do that??? Oh yeah, cause he's too busy updating his Facebook with some stupid status crap like "Joe Fucking Technology just got a killer deal on Irish Spring!" to notice me. So his clueless isle hogging didn't just cut me off, it caused my overweight hand basket to plow into an entire section of female hygiene products, sending tampons, maxi pads, pregnancy tests and vagisil flying into the air like shrapnel from an estrogen filled grenade. Lets not forget that what room WAS left in my basket was now filled with a variety of this lady swag. Does the dude stop to help? NO....instead he does that look where he barely tweaks his head to the side, but his eyes are looking as far into his peripheral as humanly possible, and keeps walking. All I could do was look at the back of his fat head and utter the first thing that came to my head. "You've GOT to be shitting me." So there I am, on my hands and knees picking this crap up, while a handful of people walked by. I'm surprised they didn't have to cut their way through because the air was pretty damn thick with my embarrassment.
Oh yeah, and what the hell is with all the new teenage heartthrob dudes looking like they just rolled out of bed?! Comb your fucking hair.
One last thing to keep the title of my blog legit....it's highly photoshopped, but who cares....
Mmm mmm mmm....you're such a tease I Can't I'm Mormon Chick....such a tease.
Until next time.
2 comments:
good story. such a typical situation you described. I can't stand cell phone drivers that don't pay attention. The nerve of him. I might have been more vocal.
I wish I had been there. But it feels like I was. What you could do next time (maybe), is play the shopping cart game with him in hopes he buys a high end douche.
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